Matt and Kristin in the Philippines

According to a team of female researchers who all recently sustained injuries due to various accidents, domestic abuse does not exist.

Russia successfully tested the largest airborne non-nuclear bomb, delivering a blast four times more powerful than the U.S.' "Mother of All Bombs."

LOS ANGELES—"The people of this country want to know what kind of crazy cameo Rob Schneider will make, and they want to know now," activist Holly Sparks said.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

SEATTLE—At a book signing Tuesday, science fiction writer Ryan Lowell shocked fans when he confessed that the 300-ton, multi-tentacled,...

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

HOUSTON— "I put my finger up your—lips. Up to your lips. Like, to hush you, because the moment is so awe-inspiring," said Kendler, choking back his actual fantasy.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

President Bush announced a plan to withdraw 30,000 troops by next summer. What do you think?

Temporary housing enthusiasts traveled from as far as park benches and ATM lobbies on the other side of town for the event.

BETHESDA, MD—After an extensive six-month study using an electroencephalogram and a finger, researchers at the National Institutes of Health...

Chapel-run prison libraries are pulling certain unapproved books on faith, fearing that they may fuel recruitment for militant religious groups. What...

LOS ANGELES—Hubris, the theoretically fatal sin of overweening pride, failed to lead to the tragic downfall of high-powered executive Ted...

Panelists reminisce about how much better things used to be 10,000 years ago.

Panelists reminisce about how much better things used to be 10,000 years ago.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

PHILADELPHIA—Frustrated with the Eagles' last-second 16-13 loss to the Green Bay Packers last Sunday, and with quarterback Donovan McNabb's failure to single-handedly score three touchdowns, prevent two of his teammates from muffing punts,...

FOXBOROUGH, MA—After posting his most productive receiving performance in eight years during his Patriots debut, Randy Moss told reporters...

DEARBORN, MI—"We've been so concerned with adding frills like GPS and exhaust pipes that we forgot what really matters: open-air bench seating," CEO Alan Mulally said.